if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How external is "for external use only"?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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