you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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