Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
