Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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