bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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