i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
