I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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