Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
