If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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