we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
