i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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