Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
