Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
