The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
