That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
