She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
