Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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