oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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