she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
