Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
