I'm gonna have a badass scar
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
