well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
