Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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