I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
false alarm. still invincible.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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