Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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