not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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