The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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