he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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