I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You're earring is so big in my mouth
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
