Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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