You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
