Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
