Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
