She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
