omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think my moral compass just broke
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
