that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
