is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
