Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
