either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
