I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
