It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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