Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
