oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
