Small penises have feelings too.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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