I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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