i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
