it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
