Who did Billy Mays play for?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
