I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
