my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
