That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
And the cops told us we were all naked.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
