If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
