Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
