he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
