And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
