I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
