wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Cover your peen. We're going out.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
