and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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