i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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